Sis, Depression Doesn't Own You!!
Growing up in a Haitian Christian household was TOUGH! To all of my Haitian Fellows, you know what I’m talking about. But for those who don’t know, here’s the struggle we had to go through as kids: The only places we were allowed to go was church, school, and home. For all of the other places, it was a struggle trying to get our parents to say 'yes.' For example, asking your parents to sleep over a friend's house was like asking for death! Man...I had to prep for a week and plan out how I was going to ask my parents...just for my mom to say, ”ask your dad.” This was a project on its own. Your close friends were your church friends. To us, this was normal, but as we grew older, we realized that there was more to life than just church friends. (Don't get me wrong, I grew up with some people at church, and we have great memories that we can share for days. I honestly don’t know where I would be if I didn’t grow up with my church friends. *coughs* CONQUERORS Step Squad!) When someone had dreads they were considered a 'thug.' When you wore a skirt an inch above your knees, you were showing too much/being too sexy. When your parents told their friends the 'bad' thing you did, they would start asking you why this, why that, making the entire situation worse and leaving you embarrassed. As I grew older and the realities of growing up Haitian Christian settled in, I became angry. I became the black sheep of the family and started being rebellious toward my parents. I started doing whatever I wanted to do - things like getting tattoos and piercings, drinking, and partying. Growing up in a Haitian Christian household, for me, was very difficult and traumatic. The constant judging was just so toxic. I grew up caring so much of what others thought of me. It was mentally draining. In Haitian Christian households, conversations about mental health were non-existent, so I had no education around what it looked like to struggle with mental health. Early on, my mind would run wild: "Am I craving for attention?” “What’s wrong with me?” “I’m crazy.” “Why am I like this?” "I'm a failure.” “Stay quiet because you don’t want anyone to think you’re crazy.” When my body was telling me that I needed to be seen by a doctor, all I could think about was the backlash from family members. And growing up in a Haitian Christian household meant that if you had any issues, you were to just pray about it, and allow God to take care of it. All of my dark feelings eventually built up and began taking a toll of me, my loved ones, and my career. I had no idea that my childhood trauma would affect me in my 20s. I felt in my heart that God told me I needed to talk to my doctor. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety in 2011. Even so, I knew that I didn’t want to be ruled by my mental challenges and that meant being proactive and DOING THE WORK.I promised myself that I wouldn’t repeat the generational cycle of trauma. There have been some good and bad days along the way, but with God by my side, prayer, and journaling, it's been a journey that I will never regret. My journey to a healthier mind has made me the woman and mom that I am proud to be today. Here are six things that has helped me tremendously during my healing process: Acknowledging my feelings and issues. (It's the first step to change!) Making the initial doctor's appointment. (Don't be scared.) Finding a therapist. (Here's a suggested starting place.)
- https://www.psychologytoday.com Journaling to get to the bottom of what's really bothering me.
(It also helps you to see your growth over time!) Building my support system. (They will help you to heal.) Praying! (There is no substitute for God's power to carry you to the other side.) It has taken a lot for me to open UP about my mental health journey, but I am so glad that I finally did to create space for women to come clean about their struggles, all the while realizing that these challenges do not define them. What are some things that have helped you during your healing process? If you're not already, be sure to connect with me on Instagram.
